Devin Pugliano

deciding what i would do for a “klondike bar” is the least of my worries right now.

don’t mourn the fallen soldier.
mourn the oil they were unable to return home with.

not all banjo players look like that.

“wolfman’s got nards.”

whatever happened to “stretch armstrong?”

it should’ve been dave grohl.
not kurt.
we wouldn’t have to put up with the predictable “foo fighters.”
though, we’d lose out on some insane percussion…
e.g. “songs for the deaf.”

michael bay has far too few defensive wounds.

hey, ms. proactiv…who’s the fucking stalker now?

i never lift the seat.
just wipe up when i’m through.

kevin smith is easily one of the worst directors of all time.
but the dude sure can write genius dialogue.

why register to vote when you don’t want either candidate to win?

“soylent green” was people.
“going green” is feeble.
the damage has already been done.
it’s like apologizing after murder.

i’m a walking “spoiler alert.”

flat chested girls require that much more personality.

none of my proceeds will ever go to charity.

i swallow.

my two biggest pet peeves:
1. employees at jobs saying, “sorry about that” after they’ve fucked something up.
2. when teenagers say, “i’m more mature than most people my age.”  lol you’re not…so shut your cocksucker.

one of her nieces looks like an elephant.

“world of warcraft” is for faggots.

all pussies taste and smell the same (unless they are in need of a douche).
you are essentially just fucking them based on their face.

“these are just a few of my favorite things.”
when are we getting the whole list?

posters of corey haim used to hang on bedroom walls.

i’ve never once stuffed my bra.

two. to. too.
they’re. their. there.
learn. proper. english. you. fools.

“if it’s not made by micro machines, it’s not the real thing.”
well, fuck…

i claim to dislike reality television shows.
but i sure do watch the fuck out of them.

zoos are no fun.
unless you break every rule that the signs say not to.

i wonder if skee-lo ever had his dream of being a “baller” realized.

would anyone even miss amy winehouse?
really, you give a crackwhore a record deal.
that’s about as intelligent as inviting an aids patient to a party at the playboy mansion.

i shart quite often, actually.
i’ve yet to really get down the warning signs.

you’ll most likely regret all of those stupid tattoos.

i’m currently holding pocket aces.
naw, i’m just bluffing.
or am i?

my poetry makes sense to me.
in the end…that’s all that matters.

my credit is so far gone that i now get off on seeing just how much worse i can make it.

i get erections at the most inconvenient times.
and can rarely hold one when i really need to.

eating “bomb pops” is about as patriotic as i get.

“plain white t’s” & “fall out boy” are fucking horrible.
there, i’ve said it.

the casualties in iraq & afghanistan…
better them than me.

i have “america’s most wanted’s” phone number in my cell.
just in case i recognize that tattoo.

george harrison was my favorite (and most talented) “beatle.”

size only matters if you give a shit what she thinks.

“gay” still means happy.

this one time at fat camp…
i shoved a cheeseburger in my pussy.

as for tommy lee…

i refuse to be intimidated by anyone that was in or associated with “methods of mayhem”  lol

i agree…
it’s a dish best served cold.
and this plate is beginning to freeze in my hands.
“Les liaisons dangereuses”

i’m convinced that rob zombie can’t do a single thing well.

once i cooked a pot pie without a slit in the top.
it was the day i stopped being a boy…and became a man…ish.

“Ouija” boards are sold by “Parker Brothers”
what other convincing do you need?

is there a difference between “why” & “how come?”

ice-t was right: soulja boy can eat a dick.

for all you people that put “Niger” as your country on here to make yourselves look cool…the word you’re looking for is, “nigger.”  this just, once again, shows your ignorance.  it makes you look like a fool and i’d love to see you people say that out in public.  see how cool you look then.
same goes for, “Oman,” “Yeman” & “Togo.”

i jerked off in the theater to “Casper” when i was 13.
christina had just started getting boobs.
it was a good day.

mohawks don’t make you look cool.

i look down on asians…
but thank them for “playstation.”

i’m the only member of my immediate and extended family that doesn’t currently wear or need glasses.

i only wash my hands after i shit.

i eat meat.

i’m a sore loser.
and winner for that matter.

why are there brass knuckles all over the fucking place on this site?
this too makes you look like a moron when you have a picture of them as your layout.
or wearing a necklace made of one.
i guarantee that 90% of the people that have layouts like that don’t even fucking own a pair of brass knuckles.

kat von d is cool?
how, exactly?
i’m sure you probably couldn’t even tell me.

even though i love the u.s. version,
the original bbc series, “the office” is far superior…
gervais & merchant were able to capture in 12 episodes & 1 xmas special what the u.s. version has taken 5 seasons (going on its 5th) to accomplish: a masterpiece in the medium of television.
just more proof that atheists (ricky gervais in this case) are geniuses…

jason has not pointed at a stereo in 3 days.
give him his token for this week.

i have a remarkably low amount of feelings.
but i hide it well.

i’m attracted to selena gomez
and i’m not afraid to admit it.

if i were gay, i would sit and spin with three:
james franco, giovanni ribisi & martin freeman.

sometimes when i’m fresh out of the shower…
i will give myself a “mangina”
just because…

i’ll never try to hide the fact that i’m a pervert.

if milk “does a body good.”
why are cows so fucking fat?

i’ll let someone else be the “hero.”
i’m content with being a lazy, selfish prick.

i don’t watch MTV.
therefore, i’m better than you.

i don’t sit on a toilet seat when i shit.

i’ve never had a finger up my ass.
but what harm could it do, really?

my daughters have the same ridiculously long toes and fingers.
sorry, girls…

i don’t have tila tequila on my friends list.
i laugh at the fact that you do.
she’s a talentless asian chick that shows her tits for cash.
you can find just as much “talent” on a balcony in mardi gras.

i only recently learned how to fix scrambled eggs.
seriously.

andré 3000 is a genius.
big boi…is just a mediocre sidekick at best.

greg oden.
this coming season.
finally.

i’d put money on miley cyrus being transgendered.
just listen to her voice.
it’s deeper than mine.

i’m slightly attracted to brian williams.

open a book sometime, you fucking zero.
you can act like you’re more intelligent than me when you finally do.

“angel soft” toilet paper is anything but.

i only wash clothes in cold water.

it’s my life.
so the world actually does revolve around me.

if there were such a place as the fictionalized, “heaven.”
do you really think small, teenie tiny, copper objects like pennies would really be able to make it down here at such a speed and distance without being distorted in some way?
alas, there are no “pennies from heaven.”

i’m just now beginning to feel the effects of all that glue i ate in elementary school.

ozzy osbourne is to “prince of darkness”
as jeffrey dahmer is to vegetarian.

in my opinion it’s only illegal if you “finish.”

“Anxiety is the hand maiden of creativity.” – t.s. eliot

i’ve had better.

“soap on a rope” does not guarantee your safety.

i really need to stop dropping toothpicks around autistic people.
but…i…just…can’t